THIS IS NOT A TEST Review

I've written so many times about Shudder. No other streaming service brings me as much joy while, at the same time, also inflicting upon me so much suffering. Shudder Roulette is real; I never have any idea what I am going to get from that service.

I was quite pleased earlier this year with Honey Bunch, sure. But it's been rough sledding since then. Just one disappointment after another for me. Nothing else has even hit close to my top ten of the year, even at this point. Honey Bunch is in there as of this writing, but even with that, I'm not sure I expect it to last long.

You know what you do when things aren't going great, though? You go back to the zombie well! Zombies are always dependable, right? They come at you, slow or fast depending on the writer, and they want to eat you, sometimes specifically your brains. You, being the quick-witted survivor that you are, join up with others who have made it as long as you have, and you try to tough out the harsh new landscape. Easy peasy.

Zombies are a very cyclical thing in horror. Every twenty years or so, they cycle in and back out of public favor. And it feels like we are about fifteen years out from their last peak, so maybe it's time for them to hit the zeitgeist again! Hell, the 28 Days Later series has kicked back up with a new trilogy, so we are only just slightly ahead of schedule!

Shudder is in on the coattails, too, with a new offering called This Is Not A Test. This movie sees a girl named Sloane meet up with other teens from her high school during a zombie apocalypse after her father is bitten by one of the monsters. Together, they bicker and fight over the best tactics for staying alive. For instance: after you have taken shelter in an empty home, do you turn the lights on or off? Do you sleep upstairs or downstairs? This Is Not A Test takes the simple hypothetical arguments we have all had and plays them out.

Ultimately, staying in a home is a bust, so the group decides on the next best thing: camping out in their own school! They rush over there and set up their defenses as best they can. But are Sloane and her group truly safe? And will another threat emerge that dwarfs that of the undead?

TWO UPS AND TWO DOWNS

+ Despite my teaser at the end of the synopsis there, This Is Not A Test manages to forego the tired “the REAL monster is mankind” trope that has permeated the genre for ages now. But at the same time, it uses moments to sow seeds of discord and distrust between characters, and it makes it seem like we may trend in that direction at any given moment. It makes the characters feel human and genuine without turning them into a sideshow. We get depth, not stereotypes. That's what the genre has needed and what other successful pieces like The Walking Dead have robbed us of.

+ For all the movie’s warts, and we are about to get to them, I was never bored or disinterested. The story, which is not brand new, manages to be told in an interesting enough fashion and with an engaging corps of young actors who bring their characters all to life. The decisions they are faced with aren’t black and white, and you can see everyone’s side. I was certainly piqued well enough by the screenplay. If all you want is to be entertained, This Is Not A Test should be at least enough to keep you off of your phone. It was for me!

- The movie is extremely melodramatic and feels like it is taking itself direly seriously. The dialogue, the shots, the score, even the editing: it all feels so heavily dramatized. Not that every movie needs to be light-hearted or shouldn’t take itself seriously as a subject matter, but this is just heavy throughout when I kind of expected just another zombie attack romp. 

It starts off with the idea that Sloane is on the verge of killing herself before getting interrupted. So it's setting you up right away to know this isn't going to be a riot. But from there, it just stays dour. Zombies are enough of a thing that you as a creator should feel comfortable having fun with them, but... not here.

- Sloane, played well by the talented Olivia Holt, is not written as a character that is particularly worthy of viewer support considering she is the main character. She starts the film off as suicidal and has a journey back to wanting to hold onto life, but between the beginning and end, she is indecisive, quiet bordering on purposeless, whiny, and she really feels like the most valueless member of our protagonists. She just comes across as annoying and you want her to do more. 

There are moments where our group is debating the best course of action, and Sloane just... leaves. And we, the viewers, are forced to follow her. But I'm not interested in her moping depression; I want to hear the teens decide their methods of survival. I felt like we were attached to the least engaging member of the lot.

OVERALL

On the one hand, it's a shame that director Adam MacDonald didn't have more fun with this premise. But on the other, there is something to be said for eschewing forced humor and treating life and death as the serious matters they are! Either way, I stayed tuned in on this effort without letting any distractions creep in, and that is to its credit. It's not a great flick, but I wouldn't call it bad, either.

🍿 SCORE = 49/100